As Courtney posted last week, today I will be looking into how social media can ruin a relationship. I have done some research and found that these are some of the worst things you can do on social media while in a relationship. So if you are looking for ways to break up with a significant other, please proceed:
1. Post your new relationship status before you seal the deal:
Posting your new relationship status on social media can cause more harm than you may think. During the beginning of a relationship it is best to not post pictures of the two of you, especially until you know exactly how they are feeling about the relationship. According to Wendy Walsh, PhD, author of The 30-Day Love Detox, a relationship needs a significant about of privacy in order for it to be a healthy one from the start.
- Stay online when you are upset:
It is so easy to pick up your phone or computer and mindlessly scroll through Facebook when you are upset. This is a huge NO when it comes to a healthy relationship. When you are upset about your own relationship you may see pictures of people you may be happier with and this can cause more problems. When you’re upset you may not be thinking clearly. We have all seen those awful rants on Facebook where you see “I can’t believe him! How could he do this to me!”… According to Christie Hartman, PhD, author of Find the Love of Your Life Online, its best just to log off and cool off before you find yourself in a passive aggressive rant about your significant other.
- Be friends with all of your ex-partners, lovers, and Tinder matches:
At the click of a button we are able to “friend” another person through social media. This can be fun, but also deadly. Being able to keep in contact with ex-lovers may become a problem when trying to start a new relationship. An article in Psychology Today discusses many of the problems with staying in touch with an ex-lover. According to their poll, 71% of people admitted to thinking about their ex more than they should, and 57% have a hard time starting a new relationship because of it. When things get rocky in a relationship it is really easy to send that quick message to an old flame, and stir up some trouble. Wendy Walsh, PhD, gives us some advice, “Imagine that someone has the ability to cut and paste whatever you type and post it publicly.” Think twice about sending your ex that message… I mean, they ARE your ex for a reason, aren’t they? Being friends with an ex on social media is something that you and your current significant other need to discuss.
- Tell everyone and their dog about the dirty details of your relationship:
Everyone wants to know about how he made you dinner, and bought you roses, oh and that you love him SOOOO much! Not. Posting every single detail of your life on social media is not a good idea. While you may think it is perfectly acceptable to discuss your romantic life online, your partner may not be so fond of it. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, states that it is important to have that discussion with your partner before it is too late. Sometimes it is best just to keep certain things private.
- Post lots of revealing photos of yourself online:
Want to post that sexy picture of you at the beach? Think twice. How would your partner feel about your 253 followers getting to see your entire body? According to Mark Sharp, a clinical psychologist at The Aiki Relationship Institute, posting revealing pictures on social media can cause jealousy in your partner. So unless you want your partner to turn into a little green man, I would suggest putting some clothes on, or keeping your pictures offline.
- Stalk your partners profile every chance you get:
Watching your partners every move may not be the best choice. Your partner may feel like you don’t trust them. Durvasula thinks that having a conversation is key to making a relationship work on social media. Talking to your partner instead of making up ideas about what their post means or becoming clingy is very important.
- Make lots of passive aggressive posts:
It is easy to vent about your life on social media, especially when you are alone, and don’t have someone with you to rant to. Let’s face it, we are in the age of the “Subtweet”. Subtweeting is when you post something vague on twitter that is meant for a specific person, usually to mock them. If you have a problem with a friend or a partner, you need to talk to them in person, or call a friend on the phone and have a good rant. Putting these things on social media dangerous. Once it gets put online, there is no going back. I have friends that have shown me all the things their ex is subtweeting about them, and it is really immature. Moral of the story, talk your problems out in person!
- Spend lots of time on your phone, especially while on a date:
I have some personal experience with this topic. I catch myself checking my emails, Facebook feed, or instagram account whenever there is a delay in conversation. This is something that a lot of couples around me struggle with. Go to a restaurant and take a look around. It is sad the amount of couples sitting in silence while they scroll through the latest updates. As seen in TNW News, a study was conducted at BYU that shows checking your phone, even for a short time, can lead to problems in a relationship. This site also has a few ways to help you with your phone addiction. Take a minute and think about the important things in life, because when that screen shuts off, your partner is going to be the one who is by your side.
- Check that notification on your phone, even though you’re in the middle of sex:
Did you know that on average, 10% of your friends have checked their phone during sex? What is the world coming to? I don’t know if we should be blaming social media, or our view on romantic relationships, but I’ll assume it’s both. Turn off the cell phone and pay attention to your partner, especially during such an intimate time!
- Argue only over social media:
My #10 post is by far the worst thing you can do, or however the BEST thing you can do to lose a guy in 10 posts. Being able to have an argument over social media is risky business. You are able to say everything you’re thinking…and more. Not having the person in front of you can cause a bigger problem. A lot of fights start because we cannot tell how your partner is saying things, such as, what kind of tone they are using? Are they being sarcastic? It’s a complete guessing game while you are using social media. Not to mention the fight may go on a lot longer than it would have if you were in person. We are able to say more hurtful things over social media because can’t see the person and the damage you are causing. In the article 5 Psychological Reasons for the Fight You’re Having on Social Media, David Weston from TDTrust lists the possible reasons you and your significant other are fighting in the first place. These include, Interpretation Errors, Cognitive Dissonance, Confirmation Bias, Attribution Error, and Social Reinforcement. In relationships it is important to stop, breathe, and talk in person. If talking in person is not an option, talking on the phone can be a better way to resolve an issue before things are said that cannot be taken back. I have seen many couples struggle and end up hurting each other because of the nasty things they are able to say online with the increase in technology. Be careful what you say online, because once it’s out there, everyone can see it.
Hope you enjoyed my post! Next I will be discussing the dangers of online dating, otherwise known as Catfishing!
Until next time,